


Broken

by Leviarty



Category: NCIS
Genre: Angst, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-21
Updated: 2010-07-21
Packaged: 2017-10-10 17:07:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/102089
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leviarty/pseuds/Leviarty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It wasn't supposed to happen like this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song Broken by Lifehouse

** _**The broken clock is a comfort/it helps me sleep tonight_ ** ** _**_ ** ** __ **

Everything around him has shattered: the coffee table, several coffee mugs, the remote to the stereo, the pot holding a long dead plant.

But it’s the broken clock that offers him the slightest bit of comfort.

Because as long as the clock is broken, as long as it doesn’t tell time…

He can convince himself, just for a little while,

That this hasn’t happened.

 

** _**I'm falling apart_ ** ** _/_ ** ** _I'm barely breathing_ ** ** _/_ ** ** _with a broken heart_ ** ** _/_ ** ** _that’s still beating_ ** ** _**_ ** ** __ **

His heart was in shambles, more so that the room.

He lies down among the rubble and stares at the ceiling with unseeing eyes.

It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

Never like this.

****_The broken locks were a warning_****_**_****__**

The moment he approached the apartment, he hand known something was wrong.

He may have left his doors unlocked, but the other man locked his almost religiously.

When he stuck his key in the lock and the door creaked open…

He knew.

 

** _**You got inside my head_ ** ** _/_ ** ** _I tried my best to be guarded_ ** ** _/_ ** ** _I'm an open book instead_ ** ** _ **_ ** ** __ **

I wasn’t supposed to happen like this.

There was only supposed to be one.  Only Shannon.

But Tony had worked his way into his heart, in a way he never should have.

Because his heart was supposed to be a fortress, inaccessible.

He wasn’t prepared to fall in love again.

 

****And I still see your reflection** **/** **inside of my eyes** **/** **that are looking for purpose** **/** **they’re still looking for life**** ****

He tries to forget, but every time he looks in the mirror, all he can see is Tony.

His smile stares back at him, so full of life.

He can’t look in the mirror anymore.

Because even when he doesn’t see Tony, he sees himself.

Which is sometimes worse.

 

** _**I'm falling apart/I'm barely breathing/with a broken heart/that’s still beating**_ **

He sometimes forgets these days, that he’s even alive.

Because in all honesty, he doesn’t feel alive.__

 

** _**I'm hanging on another day/just to see what, you will throw my way/and I'm hanging on, to the words you say**_ ** __

Part of him wants to die.  Because everything he’d ever had to live for was gone.

But he doesn’t die.

Because he remembers his words.  He remembers what Tony had lived for, what he had died for.

And it was still a fight worth fighting.

 

** _**You said that I will, will be okay_ ** ** _**_ ** ** __ **

He doesn’t dream very often, due in part to the fact that he doesn’t sleep very often.

But when he does dream, he sees his happy smiling face.

And when he sees that face, sometimes it’s hard to be sad.

Sometimes the man in his dream whispers to him, says assuring words…

He tells him everything is going to be okay.

And sometimes he believes him.

 

** _**The broken light on the freeway_ ** ** _/l_ ** ** _eft me here alone_ ** ** _**_ **

When the light several car-lengths ahead of him begin flickering intermittently, it feels like a sign from above.

A sign telling him not to give up, not to run away.

** **

** _**I may have lost my way now_ ** ** _/_ ** ** _but I haven't forgotten my way home_ ** ** _ **_ **

He isn’t running away.  There is nothing to run away from, nothing to run to.

For the moment he is just lost, stuck in this moment he can’t seem to navigate his way out of.

He knows where home is.

He just hasn’t figured out the way there yet


End file.
